It looks like we've got another Conservative minority up here. The results were completely predictible. Here are the totals:

 

Conservatives : 143 Seats (+19)

Liberals : 76 Seats (-27)

NDP : 37 Seats (+8)

BQ : 50 Seats (-1)

Independant : 2 Seats (+1)

 

It looks like everyone had a good night, except the Liberals. In fact, I think Mr. Dion might want to start touching up his resumé. With Michael Ignatieff, Gerrard Kennedy and Bob Rae all winning their ridings, there's blood in the water. Stephan Dion's blood. The polls are barely closed, and already the media are asking "So when's the next leadership convention?" And who could blame them? I think Canada just said very clearly, "We're sick of Quebec's whining dominating our federal politics!" and if you ask me, it's long past due. Who knows? Maybe with an Ontario man (A Toronto man, no less!) at the helm, the Liberals might actually get my vote. Probably not, but it's always fun to get their hopes up.

 

As for the future, I think there's going to be some disappointment.

 

A lot of those seats the Liberals lost were in Ontario, and a lot of them (12 to be exact) went to the Conservatives. Ontarians are scared shitless about the economy, and they think Harper is the man to save them. It's a nice fantasy, but that's all it is: a fantasy. Ontario's economic problems are beyond Mr. Harper's control. Ontario's economy is locked into the American economy, and as we all know, that ship is sinking. There is nothing he can do (short of suddenly shifting all of our export traffic to China) that can stave off recession.

 

In a way, I almost feel sorry for Mr. Harper. (Note: I said "almost". He is, after all, a politician.) The man has inherited a situation which, no matter what he does, he's going to fail. No amount of political maneuvering or number fudging can get us out of this mess, but he's the one who's going to have to answer for it when the unemployment rate hits 25%. And mark my words, it's coming.

 

But I think the biggest losers of all will be the people of Newfoundland. During the last election, 3 seats went Conservative. Well, the Conservatives lost those seats this time around, and Mr. Harper has a history of punishing communities who don't support him. There were a number of North Atlantic oil projects under planning, and now Newfoundland probably won't get anything out of them (if they ever come online). Those projects would have brought much-needed jobs and federal development funds to the area, but now those dollars will probably go to Nova Scotia instead. Good news for Sydney, not so good for St. John's.

 

On the bright side, nobody has a majority, so there won't be any runaway programs and corruption should be kept in check. We also shouldn't have to have another election for a couple of years. We're probably set until some time in 2011 or early 2012.

 

The down side is that none of the good programs any of the parties have been working on (Conservatives' killing the gun registry and expanding northern border defense, the NDP's healthcare expansion, the liberals' economic agenda with China) will see any progress, either.

 

Considering how badly it could have gone, I suppose the results are...tolerable.

 

Here we are again, the night before a federal election in Canada. And let me tell you, it's been a great campaign. There's been mudslinging, overspending, and for the first time in ages, acts of sabotage! What more could a red-blooded Canadian ask for in an election?

 

And since every party seems to want to subject us to these snap elections over and over again until they get a majority, I think now is a good time to introduce a new feature. In that spirit, I would like to welcome you all to the first annual "Election Raspberry Awards"!

 

Our first Raspberry goes to our current android-in-chief, Steven Harper:

Not only do we have him to thank for this early election (Which by the way he promised not to do in the first place), we can thank him for turning this into one of the dirtiest elections in living memory. His "We Can't Afford the Risk" theme brought sleezy fearmongering to a level not seen since...well...since his hero George Bush. Which really isn't so surprising, since they share the same brain.

 

And in the blue corner, weighing in at 10 stone (half of it in his elitist fat head) is our next Raspberry, Stephan Dion:

Now I know this isn't very fashionable in the Liberal party, but 59.3% of the population of this country speaks English. I know it's hard to kiss corporate ass in 2 official languages, but could we at least give it a shot? I'd like to make fun of the Liberals' election campaign, but I haven't actually seen a campaign. Maybe if you guys hadn't spent all that money on fat cheques for your corporate buddies and sending all of our tax dollars to Quebec for the last decade and a half, you might have had some cash on-hand for more than lawn signs.

 

Which brings us to the resident smarmy used-car salesman, Jack Layton:

I'm going to have to shower after writing this. Just talking about the man makes me feel dirty. He's almost as guilty of fearmongering and mudslinging as Harper is, but he takes it one step further. The NDP have no problem running smears of their own, but if you dare to run one against them, it's "I have my lawyer on speed dial". The NDP are the poster children for running a "Anyone but the guy in charge" style of campaigning. They don't even attempt to generate a platform of their own.

 

And speaking of no platform, our next Raspberry goes to Gilles Duceppe:

The man looks constipated, which is particularly surprising, considering how much time he spends shitting all over the country that pays his rediculously bloated federal salary. Yeah, we pay this guy to try and rip the country apart. Only in Canada.

 

And finally, and only eligible for a Raspberry by blind luck, Elizabeth May:

I know these greens must read my blog, because May's latest political gambit is straight out of my 2006 election analysis. Listen, if you are going to steal my election strategies, at least do me the courtesy of interpreting them correctly. I don't want money and I don't want recognition. But what I do want, is for you to NOT make me look bad by ruining my ideas. I didn't say "gang up on Conservatives", I said "gang up on whomever won't support your initiatives". Now I'll grant you that the Conservatives aren't running much of a green platform, but neither are the other 3 parties. Ms May, you weild your political power like a cudgel. Instead of applying your power like a scalpel, carving your agenda into the other parties' platforms, You bludgeon them with it. You're like a street brawler who attends a single seminar at RGJJN and thinking he's qualified for the octagon. Go hit the gym before you embarass yourself further.